VD day? STD day? STI day!!

I hate valentines day! It is the only holiday more commercial than Christmas and instead of the brotherly love its all about the sex. In the restaurant business it is one of the biggest days of the year, couples go out to remember that they love each other. New couples and blind dates go out trying to get into the others pants. People spend stupid money on cards.... Really, I do appreciate cards. Usually the ones my parents buy me are really nice and meaningful on Christmas and my birthday but do I really need one with a heart to prove I care about my girlfriend? I got her a kids one with Elmo. Also does everyone need to give everyone cards? I saw happy Valentines Grandma, grandpa, brother, sister. This is a holiday about lust I think it is wildly inappropriate that you get your sister a card, unless your in the deep south. Also chocolate, that almost seems counter active. Give her chocolate and she gets fat and the lust goes away. See the problem? So thats my first beef, it ids a commercialized waste of money.
Serial killers!!! Thats my second beef. Let me explain how this day leads to serial killers. First off I can't believe that in this PC world they even let Valentines be given out in schools. With every child being a special snowflake, how does it work for the kid in class no one wants to give a valentine to? Come on be real, there is one or two in every class. The girl or boy no one likes, how must that feel? So here is how it plays out. Kid gets a few pity Valentines. Gets a pube or two a year later and starts to write terrible emo music. Realizes emo sucks balls and discovers goth! Loses all emo sadness and self loathing starts listening to angry murder music. Grows long greasy hair and gets notice me please piercings. Starts of small killing cats and dogs. Shoots up school after playing violent video games. Or goes back to normal goes to college and hides world resenting ideas. Then slowly starts to make a woman suit like Buffalo Bill. This all starts from a bad Valentines day..... Well maybe that doesn't happen often but thats my second beef serial killers!
Its creepy, serious at first it was about martyrs but then some loopy brit added this

Chaucer's love birds

The first recorded association of Valentine's Day with romantic love is in Parlement of Foules (1382) byGeoffrey Chaucer^[22] Chaucer wrote:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

["For this was on Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."]

This poem was written to honor the first anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England toAnne of Bohemia.^[23] A treaty providing for a marriage was signed on May 2, 1381.^[24] (When they were married eight months later, they were each only 15 years old).

15! Seriously a poem written for 15 year old lovers made this a romantic holiday. And cupid, he is a fat boy often in  a diaper. What the hell kind of holiday has that for a mascot. At least have a chick on a brass pole for a mascot!

In closing the holiday is a commercial rip off, that creates serial killers and is based on a teen marriage with a fat boy in diapers as a mascot. Sticking simply to those facts this is a messed up day. Now the sad thing is I did in fact get my girlfriend a card and a teddy bear to get laid yesterday, but I am fairly sure that woulda happened without the bear and card

Random

So some random thoughts today, Whitney Houston died this weekend. I only remember her from my moms car growing up, I think the only celebrity I will ever remembers death is MJ since he was the Elvis of our time. The Devils rock is a terrible movie. Alex Ovechikn has forgot how to play hockey. I told a friend that he said Ovechkin is Russian for over paid with no heart. I said that was Semin, Ovi means 2 trick pony that got solved. The inter web is way too full of porn. Take safe search of google type in anything and porn comes up. I was thinking of making a porn called W.A.D or Weapons of ass destruction, witty play on WMD right? No not really and it has probably been done. Also it is likely a taboo in porn to use the word WAD, rest in peace John Holmes. Also a 80 year old man in Thailand died by choking on his dentures after having sex for 45 minutes. 45!!! wow at 80 this man deserves a state funeral. Used car salesmen are really annoying and phoney, yet one just made off with a lot of my money. It is funny how skanky you can make children's classic costumes like Alice or little red riding hood. Valentines day is a terrible holiday, yet I am making Salmon and getting flowers in hopes to get laid. Fact is I would likely get laid anyways. Damn you Hallmark. Men yes all men are either tit men or ass men. I mean we like both but each guy has a preference. I love latin women so figure it out. I am writing this while cleaning house and it is really not helping. Recycling should be mandatory it makes sense and it isn't some hippy BS. The world is becoming too idiot proof. Coffee cups should not have to say "hot careful", laws suits started all that and is actually harming us by working against natural selection. Crime does pay, that may not be a good thing but it is true. So legalize marijuana, if it was regulated and controlled bad guys lose a lot of money. Also legalize prostitution, the women would be safer and the government would get it cut and again bad guys lose money. No city that doesn't get snow should ever win the stanley cup. Collection agents are the toughest guys in the world.... over the phone. Reality TV needs stopped,really. Also the people in the "OCCUPY" movement are dumb. Seriously forever 1% of the world has controlled 99% of the wealth. This isn't new, get back to work. I do not agree with it but I do support clean injection sites until the war on drugs is won lets try and keep the by products like disease down. Central Vacs suck at sucking. Reading "smart" books does not make one smart. All the Sun Tzu in the world just looks lame if your not comprehending what your reading. Travel warnings are getting out of hand, I don't need to be advised not to go to Iran or Iraq. And Mexico didn't get bad, it has always been dangerous if you went looking for it.Youth justice is getting out of hand. A 15 year old is free to go after beheading a puppy, he is sorry and knows his actions were wrong. REALLY??? Sounds like he is gonna be a pillar in our community. And last but not least I need to get cracking on the cleaning as my date starts soon.

What Video Games Have Taught Me.

So you can learn from mind numbing video games in two ways, or I have learned things in two ways from them. First what the plots can teach and second what playing can teach, so below is what i have learned from plots and from playing.

Plots - Plumbers love mushrooms and sometimes they see stars and think they are bears or socks or even frogs. These guys take fours years of school.... It is possible to carry guns, bats, knives (all at once!) kill hookers and beat cops as long as you can get your car painted in 10 seconds you will totally get away with it!I have learned to hate Corey Perry, he never passes to me. Kevin Bieksa is a pussy (We already knew that)  You don't need any talent to make it in a band just awesome clothes and a few buttons on a guitar. If your ever fighting a mythical creature, you have roughly thirty seconds to scroll through an enormous selection of weapons and various spells you may need. If you ever see a car turn into a bullet, just get out of the way. Also ditto if you notice any colour of a turtle shell coming at you. Getting two swords attached by chains to your arms is AWESOME. Any person who kicks ass and is in a costume so they can't be identified as male or female is really a hot chick under it all, feel free to dream about her. Aliens and zombies really suck! If you ever hear someone yell finish him! a long and stupid process will let you do funky shit. Magic swords rule, men in green outfits not so much. You cannot kill a polar bear with a hunting knife, don't try. Auto save can both suck and rule depending on the game, if you wanted to retry or do better it really screws you. The world of illegal street racing is huge and any car can be souped up to a speed demon. Robots also suck and are plotting to take over our world.

Playing - It is always a bad idea to drink and play any game were people fight each other. 4 drunk guys and a UFC game is a bad idea. If your girl comes out in a slinky outfit it is best to stop whatever game, even if you aren't at a save point. Wii fit taught me I am not fit. Online I learned there are way too many 30 to 40 year old virgins, and todays youth are telephone tough guys with shitty attitudes. Never leave the couch for a snack or piss cause your not getting your spot back.(Farting may help, don't push to hard.) If your going to own a game system you might as well buy a huge hi def TV and surround sound. Drinks and wii games should be kept far apart. Parties can be killed late at night by turning on video games. Never play lame music when gaming, Michael Bolton and mortal combat do not mix. Pausing any game for a small period of time can burn images into the TV, this can lead to fights. Steaks burn when left unattended. Pot can be a performance enchanting drug, if you are doing something that you do not need to move more than your fingers for. In apartments neighbours don't like hearing screams of joy or anger. They also don't like sex noises but videos games can seriously cut down on those anyhow. I need a new hobby.

The 7.5 and other lists

I am going to assume everyone knows about the pass list. Every relationship should have 1. Its the 5 - 10 people you will likely never meet but if you do and they want a night of monkey sex, you get a free pass. And it goes both ways the guy and the girl get one. Couple key rules, it has to be people you will likely NEVER meet. If you say her sister for the list your likely not gonna need a list after that. And it has to be only a few people. 5 is a good number, I have heard 10 but that might again start to piss the other person off. I was gonna go with 7.5 but since I don't know any sexy midgets we will round to 8.
8 - Bar Rafeli.
7 - Jessica Biel
6 - Kim Kardashian
5 - Brooklyn Decker
4 - Jesse Lee Denning
3 - Kendra Wilkinson
2 - Avril Lavigne
1 - Scarlett J.

Sorry to all the women who didn't make the list, I am sure you A list celebs are heart broken. Next time maybe we will do the anti 8.

10 best albums, this is in no real order. As depending on my mood the constantly change but here goes

10 - Hed P.E - Broke. Easily best rock rap album of all time.
9 - Jay-Z - The blue print. Ya all is albums are good, but this really is the blue print for rap.
8 - GnR - Appetite for Destruction. No one did hard rock hair metal better.
7 - Nirvana - Nevermind. Yes it is commercial pop grunge but they did make the whole scene.
6 - Led Zeppelin - ZoSo. Really why would I even explain how this album made it.
5 - Swollen Members - Dagger mouth. It was hard to pick between this and Black Magic but Dagger wins and is Canadas best rap
4 - Metallica - Master of Puppets. Remember when they weren't old and shitty.
3 - Dr. Dre - Chronic 2001. Pac is great, Jay-z can rip it up, Eminem is witty, Snoop is the dogg father but Dre is an Icon.
2 - Rage against the machine - Evil Empire. Some say they are to corporate but they get more messages out than any other band
1 - Eminem - The slim shady lp. Its witty, scary, sad, manic and that was when Eminem still had normal problems. Not hollywood problems.

5 Best movies/series. First off if it is a series the whole series has to be good not like most of the 80's slasher films, that had 1 good 1 and then 20 crappy ones. This is all movies maybe sometime I will do a genre special. And picking out single movies would just be way too hard.

5 - Harry Potter. The fact that it is based on the best book series ever REALLY helps. But it is a great series and it was fun to watch them grow up. Now I hope they don't get the Mark Hamil curse.
4 - Kevin Smith. I would call it the Jay and silent Bob series, but in some of them they are just background noise. Not all View Askew movies but ones that Jay and Bob at least Cameo in.
3 - Pirates of the Caribbean. Face it, the whole series is good. Not all great, dead mans chest was lacklustre but it was still a good movie. Not bad for a series based on a ride I had never heard of.
2 - Chris Nolans Dark Knight. Nolan sees Batman the way it should be, dark, gritty and without super villains. Yes the 80's batman was good but the series just got worse and worse. If Dark Knight rising is as good as the first 2, we could have a new champ next year.
1 - Lord of the Rings. The books were are hard and boring read, the movies made it the other way. (Unlike you Narnia) And sorry Star Wars, you don't even break the top five because of George Lucas' greed making 2 crappy prequels.

To end it all lets go with a list in no particular order of the most over rated and iritating things around

10 - Snooki, wait the "situation" no wait... Jersey Shore!!! What a waste of TV time.
9 - Vegans. WTF I mean it isn't healthier. And you can't seriously being thinking of the cows and pigs.
8 - Car Salesmen. At work I deal with sales people all day but none are like the jackasses on car lots.
7 - 89% of youtube. Please stop posting family videos no one cares about except your family. And fake trailers.
6 - Internet porn. Serious?? Show me a good two second clip then want a credit card? Now what do I do?
5 - Mohawks. Unless you are 4 or younger don't fucking wear these you just look dumb.
4 - The Occupy movement. Here in town one of the organizers is "allegedly" an unemployed drug dealer
3 - 1 ply toilet paper. First off buy two ply it really doesn't cost much more and second JUST MAKE 2 PLY
2 - Pop music. Listening to the radio today makes me wanna slit my wrist and I hate emo music!
1 - Hangovers. Sure they are gods way of saying "You kicked ass last night!" but they really suck!